So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
