I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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