Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
