The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
