i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
