Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
