so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
