Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
