please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
