I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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