my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
