i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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