He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
