Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
