somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
