We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
time to smoke my breakfast
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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