btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
