my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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