We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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