You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
