You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Randomize
