I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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