Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
