Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
