either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
