drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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