I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
