I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
At least life still wants to fuck me.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
