you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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