Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
