I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
