Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
