So drunk its hurt
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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