If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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