I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
