I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
