You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
