I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
