when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
