I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
