All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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