He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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