my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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