i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
