Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
