I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
