you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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