Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
