dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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