kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My vagina just recognized that song.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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