Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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