Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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