Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
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