how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
