My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
soo... how was my night?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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